I hate to admit that I'm afraid. I try to reason it away out it out of my mind, or at least place it far enough back there that I don't have to deal with it regularly. Then there's the faith element, where I know that I have nothing to fear.
But if I'm being honest, I'd say I'm not doing too great in any of the aforementioned areas. The truth is, I am leery - no apprehensive - all right, out with it....scared.
I am coming up on 23 years of being a type-1 diabetic. That's a looong time. The last 6+ months have been better than ever (literally), the best ever. But that doesn't negate the other 22+ years (although I wish it could). So I think of the long-term effects of high blood sugars, knowing full well that decades of highs are not beneficial to the body.....of how I THOUGHT I was doing my best, but I was coming up far short....of how the complications were non-existent, so I chose not to acknowledge them in any way.
And that's what makes me scared.
There is very little research on this topic. Many professionals agree that the body can and does recover well by controlling blood sugars. But to say that diabetes affects each diabetic the same would be lunacy. I know diabetics who managed well that experienced terrible complications early on, and others who have no control and no complications nearly 40 years in to it.
I have come to realize the fargility of life and am trying to take advantage of each moment given. I'm learning that although diabetes may be controllable, its ramifications are simply beyond my control.
I'm mostly good with that, but still a little scared.
Until next time, I'll be pumpin...